Shared Experience by Charmaine Galea

On my first visit to hospital, when I was pregnant, I immediately knew that a star was to be born.  Instantly a big red star was attached to my blue card! 

I was to have a Caesarean birth.  I am small and that is to blame. 

During the usual hospital lectures, the breast feeding session was considerably short, but we were informed that the Cana Movement organised lessons for those who want to learn more regarding breast feeding.  I attended these courses which were quite interesting and the counsellor (working on voluntary basis) was very updated, efficient and helpful. 

9 months passed and I went to hospital for the operation.  There was no rush or hassle since everything was planned.  I was to report on Thursday having the operation on Friday 1^st December.  I was asked by the mid-wife whether I intend to breast feed so that they would immediately know what to feed the baby on birth especially since I were to be under anaesthetic. 

09:20:  the door of the operating theatre opened and my husband, waiting outside, saw a nurse carrying a blue, screaming, tiny creature whom he immediately recognised as his son and whom he was instantly proud of. 

When I returned to consciousness I found myself lying on a bed with a baby boy near me, breast feeding peacefully.  Later, my husband told me that it took 2 different midwives to succeed in attaching baby Matthew to my breast.  

One can say that for my husband it was a sort of privilege that I could only breast feed Mat.  My husband was the first to wash him, to change his nappy to hold him close to his heart and softly rock him to sleep.  By the way, he still does so (except the nappy change, since now Mat is three and a half years old.) 

It maybe was due to the fact that I had no complications during the operation, thanks to God, but I breast fed normally in spite of having Caesarean birth.  The aches, the sore breasts were all there.  Even people to discourage me sometimes, but determination wins.  ((Apart from the BIG support I had from my husband)).   

When the actual milk started to appear, it came in plentiful.  The breast pads were not sufficient and it was very embarrassing having my clothes wet and smelt of my breast milk and the doctors/nurses coming and going near me.  Later I learnt to cope with that! 

Another thing that is still in my mind is the fact that from the very beginning Mat showed a big link between him and me.  The other babies slept in the pram but mine slept near me.  I used to breast feed him along side, especially during the nights, and after some minutes both him and me would sleep, resulting in him ending beside me even in my hospital bed.  I remember the midwives passing by and commenting about how cute he is and how sweet we were sleeping together (mind you they were not commenting on my beauty – far from it!). 

Returning home was a different story. 

First of all my husband was on a whole month vacation leave.  He helped around a lot especially with Mat.  Even coped with relatives when they came to visit us and see the newborn and I was too tired to cope. 

The only disadvantage of this was that after this period I was left alone with a baby who wanted to stay in my arms all day long.  But what would you expect from a newborn?  Are not the parents his only world?  We learnt to cope with that too!  This is valid even at present.  Matthew cannot be left alone even for only a few minutes.  He wants to be in the company of those who are familiar to him especially his mum and dad. 

Another small difficulty, which my husband and I faced, is the fact, that as I have already mentioned, I used to breast feed him on our bed.  Him and me alongside to each other.  Then he sleeps and I leave him there.  This both during the day and even in the night.  Apart from disturbing his peaceful sleep I hated to disturb mine too, and most of the time I was too tired to wake up and walk to his bed. 

The problem started here.   

When he was growing, it was difficult for him to adapt himself to his bed.  For one year and five months Mat slept between my husband and me.  During the shifting period, it was difficult both for him and also for us to separate ourselves from each other during the night.  But there are times when you have to take a stand. 

Another “wrong” thing that I did, is that since I was breast feeding, I confined myself to the walls of my house.  I was proud to breast feed my baby, but actually I was afraid that he would want to breast feed in a public place having lots of people looking at me.  Not that in actual facts they would notice me if I do it discreetly but that was the way I pictured the situation.  I only went to places were I knew that I could breast feed in a private place and the only times I went to  restaurants or any such places are very few. 

I stopped to breastfeed after one year and one month.  The one-month was the transaction period from breast milk to cow milk.  The main reason I stopped results from this point I have just mentioned.  Him now knowing from where he gets his milk asking for it in public, or even having him “digging” for his drink. 

It was difficult for us and it nearly broke both our hearts.  Him wanting the milk and me knowing that I have but do not want to give him.  Mind you it was not 1 day taking my milk and the morrow having to take the cow milk.  

I started to change it gradually considering the least painful situation to both parties.  When he manages to accept cow milk first thing in the morning for example, I leave the situation the same for approximately 2 days and then we work on the 10:00 feed.  The last one was that prior to going to sleep which was a sort of a lullaby to him. 

Nowadays he does not breast feed but if he wants some cuddles, or wants me to lull him to sleep, he comes on my lap, takes the old breast feeding position and drops his hand down under my clothes from the neckline.   This happens even when he is afraid of something, when he is embarrassed or any time he needs comfort and/or support.  To me and any mother in the world this is a sort of “job satisfaction”, accomplishment.  This is the love and type of bond one needs between a mother and her son or daughter. 

Pure breast feeding problems, as such, I did not face.  Sometimes I used to wonder whether I was doing the wrong thing and then I would call the breast feeding counsellor at home (the one whom I mentioned before and am very thankful to her), free of charge, and she would help me out with my difficulties.  

As a few difficulties I can mention:

• Is he overeating by wanting my breast all the time?

• Maybe he is undergoing a growth spurt?

• What are and when do growth spurts occur?

This may seem a nice picture.  But there were times when I could not cope more.  Mat wanted to breast feed, and breast feed and breast feed.  It was tiring.  Should I give formula milk to sustain him more and decrease the demand for my milk?  What about the attention a husband needs? And what about house work?

Mind you I am not the perfect mother, I do not have the perfect husband or son.  But together we work, and together we do achieve.

Charmaine Galea

2/7/04 

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